Snow, Ice, Water, Rocks, Trees, Rain, Sun

Camping.

This year, I had leveled up on my camping XP! :D

Winter camping in Feb was a blast... I had not vision myself would be camping at winter, and that was pretty cool as a experience (literally it was cool).. The key to winter camping is probably warm gloves, warm socks, a hat/hood, a warm sleeping bed, good sleeping mat, large tarp, and winter tent. The serenity of the winter outdoor is just great, it's so quiet and so calming. The moment when we gather around the campfire to keep ourselves warm, the silent look and smile we exchanged to each other speaks the thousand words.. We were all cold, but we are a group of happy campers. :)

The past weekend... was camping and portaging... I didn't know anything about portaging a canoe before this trip. For years, I had been having question about how people go camping with a canoe tho.. Now I know.. For distance that is land access, you have to carry your canoe with the rest of the backpack and hike to another water access point!

"omg. really?" I asked when I found out this is how they do it..

I didn't end up carrying canoe but only heavy backpack, seeing my love and others did it was rather exciting/worrying.. the love of the canoe comes with some pain (on their shoulders)

Canoeing for hours was never been done for me. I had only did like maybe 4 hours of canoeing in my entire lifetime. I got bit scared for a few moments, one of them was a great danger of me flipping the canoe cos I slipped and felt from my seat, it was too closed (phew). Besides those moments and many more arm/shoulders/back tiring paddling, the rest of it was very enjoyable and it felt so much of a wilderness adventure for the whole time. It's so nice to get so close to the nature. We were smelling the lake, trees and rocks, seeing how the water flow below us was a treat to me, it just makes me wonder how small we human are compare to this patch of water.

The fact that we get to stay in a different isolated campsite for each day with only ourselves is another great feeling. All three sites are unique and all the paddling we took everyday adds to the adventure so much. It feels like a real adventure.

The wood and water gathering makes it feels like we are really there to survive using our own hands. no hunting or fishing involve, I can imagine how much skills and time it needs to be able to gather enough food for everyone (salute to the ancestors who had to do this)

We enjoyed some sun time with getting sun tan on the rocks, canoeing the second day and also swim in water on the last day when there were sun. The rest were scattered rain and major rainstorm on the last day when we have to paddle and portage all the way back to the start point. Drenched in rain, shoes and feet were mudded, once we get to the dock we got changed into our dry clothes and go back to the civilization we were born in. Thank God the rain stopped for a moment when we changed and went back into pouring when we were in the car.

I will miss this amazing, spectacular trip that packed in every single nature elements within the short three nights three days. It has been a camping trip of my life.

From 238 to 196

What a great feeling.
I had been wanting this for quite a while.

Why would I want to keep people that doesn't even make it to be my acquaintance on my "friends' lists" Honestly, I am tired of keeping these unnecessary ties when I barely meet any of these people more than once or twice in the past 10 years, in fact, most, in my life time!

So I now enforcing this policy: even though we might had dinner or party together, there's still a long way till we are friends. No offense. (I'm not doubting the possibility of making friend with a friend's friend though, cos certainly there are many friends I known through this way, but when we obviously didn't click, and we probably never again will talk or contact each other, why do you want to keep me on the "friends list"??)

It's a great feeling that I now feel safe to do or post whatever on facebook. and whenever I log on, I don't have to keep seeing these updates by someone I cannot remember who (do I care if your going to New Zealand in 10 days? do I care if your madly in love? do I care if you had a great meal at Indian Palace with your best friends? do I care to see your photos with you and your girlfriend making out? do I care to know that you have just got this nice shoes for $XX! ??... you might think I'm just "jealous" to see updates hahha.. maybe.. but for most part, it's more like do I really care any of these when we don't even say hi or talk at all?)

Doing this now save me the time to even consider or clicking the hide button to hide them from my page hahahha... again, no offense, it's just that a connection is a connection, but when there's really none, there's no point to keep it.

"you never know, maybe this person can get you a job, a boyfriend, blah blah blah.." don't tell me this. I don't need to keep unnecessary connections just so I can get something out of it, when your looking to get something from someone, there's no friendship there, what's the point to pretend to be friends? Never use anyone, I never do and never will (if you know me well, you barely see me asking people for a favor or help for my own good) It's my code of moral, be true and honest. I feel very content and I don't use friends or keep friends for any benefits :P hahah (no, not "those" benefits your thinking)

Friendships happens when it happens. No force is need.
Done, great!

Avoid

Did you ever do that?

You see someone you know from far away, but at that moment, you don't want to talk to them so you avoid them by walking the other direction or you don't look at them.

I am guilty for doing that in school.

Last week, and today.

Funny thing is, I avoid one person, and then I immediately bump into another person. That another person literally appear from nowhere and we start talking. (I have to cos we see each other...)

I didn't want to talk at first, but it's a good feeling when you talk to people... though at first I really wasn't in the mood to talk to anyone...

When I think about it now, I avoided to talk to people because:

I don't want them to ask me "How are you?". Because I don't have much to say except I'm so happy that I am practicing my spiritual life these days (hahaha.. which is really all I did these few months- reading reading and reading.. praying praying and praying... listening listening and listening, singing to myself singing to myself and singing to myself... some school works and 3 design projects on my own, that's all.. The most exciting thing for me is to go to church two times a week, but I know that's not the thing many people I can tell without them getting bored?!.... And oh, probably my facebook life that occupies 1/5 of my day ... hahaha... which I'm not sure who wants to know how much I addict to internet and how I have no life.. haha)

Anyway, two times in two weeks, I avoided someone, and then someone else literally ran into me... they did ask me "how are you?" It's only by then I realized that there are actually nothing I should avoid - how much I want to reveal to them is up to me. I didn't say much except we talked about our classes and some summer plan, etc.

Maybe God's telling me there really nothing I need to avoid. God must be teaching me that I have choices, I can expose myself or not, I can choose not to pretend.

Before, I used to buff myself and felt that I have to tell and show people how good I'm doing, how good I'm feeling, how good my relationship is, how great was the food from that restaurant I went, how great was the karaoke/dinner/dessert birthday party was, how good was the dinner my grandma cooked, how good was that movie or show I watched yesterday, how nice was that day or camping trip, etc... I didn't think it was healthy when I even do that to my bf, my family, and most importantly, to myself. I avoided all the bad things, I cursed the bad feelings, I deny the terrible feeling inside me that haunted me whenever I'm alone. The more I cursed, avoided and denial this bad feelings , the more I felt hopeless... and the less I talk about the real me cos I wanted to deny every bad things I was feeling, I just talked commercial things, I just talked easy happiness that everyone can understand and relate to. I'm still not sure if it's because I didn't want others to worry? I didn't want others to know about myself? or I didn't want them to look down on me? or I simply don't care about my true self?... The closest thing I can think of now is that I probably didn't know who would understand me, I didn't trust anyone.... The most screw up thing is - I felt that not even myself understand myself anymore because I was so uncontrollably angry and sad at the end! I scared the hell out of myself when I get totally mad at everything and depressed about everything. I didn't even know what I was doing, who I was, where I was going anymore. (Wow~!!! don't you love this analysis, I should start writing a novel...)

Anyhow! From this "screw up" feelings I had before, now that I know how to "unscrew"... I learned to just be honest, and honest doesn't mean you have to tell people everything. I can choose what to say, and I don't have to curse or deny anything. To do that I have to rely not on myself only, but on God. Alone, I'm powerless... with the strength and peace that God provide me, I can finally sort things out and feel at ease.

Well. Thank you God for teaching me this. And of course, at the same time, You showed me that there are people in the school that take the extra step to talk to me. (gosh, I don't have hangout friends in school but at least I'm not a total loner I guess.. thanks! :P)

Letter to My Potential Friend

My friend,

I crave for attention, I crave for doing things together, I crave for making plans together, I crave for hugs and a warm hi because when I make a date, I cannot wait to see you, I crave for your questions when you see me being sad, even though I said
"no" or "I'm okay", because I don't just pretend to be not okay, I am very very unwell if I look unwell. I want you to ask me question, I like to tell people about myself but I want you to show me you want to know (AGAIN, ATTENTION to ME is VERY important). I crave for being the crazy girl who dare to do everything because I ask everything with a "why not?", I crave for being different, when I do one thing, I think of "how can I make it different from anything else in this world??" and "How can I make what we are doing the most unique and amazing thing in this world?"

I don't follow (AGAIN, I DON'T FOLLOW), I don't lead (AGAIN, I DON'T LEAD), I walk together with like minded people like myself, (I LIKE WALKING ALONG SIDE TOGETHER WITH MY LOVED ONES, AGAIN TOGETHER!). I like to explore, I like to walk the path that most people don't walk, I like to be different, I like to experience new things, I don't listen to people's recommendation much but I go for what I want, and I want you to do the exploration together with me. I am full of emotion, I am passionate about people, when I'm with my friends, I always think about my friend first before myself (I WANT TO MAKE SURE THEY LIKE WHAT WE DO AND HAPPY, SO SHOW ME IN ACTION THAT YOU ENJOY!), if you don't show me you care about any of our plans, and you don't show me you even care spending time together, you can expect me stop talking to you and got bored and got silence for a long time because I'm very very very upset that I fail to make us happy, and so I become very very unhappy.

One thing you can do to make me slap you is---- ignore me, avoid me, show no emotion to me, stop looking at me, stop talking to me. Show me you don't even care any bit about me. Do that and you can instantly hurt my feelings. I don't recommend this cos I cannot promise what I would do. I'm very good at breaking things. (SHOW ME THAT YOU WANT ME HERE, SHOW ME YOUR CARE TO ME, SHOW ME YOUR EMOTIONS and you shall have all of me, everything, anything)

Can you be my friend?

Shout Out to YOU

Gosh, I know that not many people read this blog! (and I spent too much time talking about my "spiritual life" and I shall talk about my "physical life" more, what do you say?)

Since you are here, you must be my friend (? well except for google search results I suppose)
So if you are reading this, you maybe this (one and only?!) person who either:

1) knows me, just happen to know about my blog (finally, after so long since two months ago?!??! hahhahahhaha)
2) knows me, just happen to know about my blog, want to read something to kill time
3) knows me, just happen to know about my blog, want to read something to kill time, very "8" (meaning like to "spy" on other peoples lives)
4) knows me, just happen to know about my blog, want to read something to kill time, very "8", want to know how I can be so beautiful and wonderful the way I am
5) knows me, just happen to know about my blog, want to read something to kill time, very "8", want to know how I can be so beautiful and wonderful the way I am AND CARE AND LOVE ME

I see you falling under #5, you do care about me if you are reading!

I want to say thanks to you, rather you are close friend, rare seen friend, new friend... thanks for visiting. I'm very grateful and happy, at least... there's you who care about this little me in this world. There's someone, whom I don't know where and who and how, took a few minutes of her/his life time to care about me!!

Thank you! ^^ I love YOU!

Who's my Real Best Friend?

"A friend is the one who comes in when the whole world has gone out." -Grace Pulpit

"A true friend is one who thinks you are a good egg even if you are half-cracked."

"Remember, we all stumble, every one of us. That's why it's a comfort to go hand in hand." -Emily Kimbrough

"A friend accepts us as we are yet helps us to be what we should."

"You can always tell a real friend: when you've made a fool of yourself he doesn't feel you've done a permanent job." -Laurence J. Peter

"The most beautiful discovery true friends make is that they can grow separately without growing apart."

"When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares." -Henri Nouwen

"A true friend unbosoms freely, advises justly, assists readily, adventures boldly, takes all patiently, defends courageously, and continues a friend unchangeably." -William Penn

"Shared joy is a double joy; shared sorrow is half a sorrow."

"Oh, the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person, having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all out, just as they are, chaff and grain together, certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and with a breath of kindness blow the rest away." -Dinah Craik

"I felt it shelter to speak to you." -Emily Dickinson

“When it hurts to look back, and you're scared to look ahead, you can look beside you and your best friend will be there”

“A friend is someone who lets you have total freedom to be yourself.” -Jim Morrison

“Friends are angels who lift our feet when our own wings have trouble remembering how to fly.”

“The only service a friend can really render is to keep your courage by holding up to you a mirror in which you can see a noble image of yourself” -George Bernard Shaw

“Search not for a friend in time of need, for a true friend shall find thee.”

“I would prefer as friend a good man ignorant than one more clever who is evil too.”

"Best friend is someone who knows all about you and loves you anyway."

"When you look around and your world is crumbling or when you think no one loves you, your best friend is the one to run to you."

"When you are sad anyone can tell you it’s gonna be okay, but a true friend will mean it"

"A true friend will be you candle when it’s dark, your hope when it’s gone, and take your pain when it hurts"




At least now when I think very very hard, when I open my eyes so wide to look at all the past...

I know who is not. That person was never there for me truly, we were never connected, we were never even friends, we were strangers. Didn't accept me, didn't bother knowing me, didn't appreciate me, didn't care about me, didn't love me, didn't even want to talk to me. We did all the things best friends do, but we just weren't ones. Only there when we were happy, and not when we had problems and sad. What kind of "best friends" do that? And that's when I got mad and fuck everything up because I was so depressed with this false knowledge, I was all by myself the whole time and I was the only one that cares. At the end, it shows that I was right, you just don't care about us enough to solve things together anyway. and you can have your other "best friends" with you there now in your new life. I should have known better, why the hell did I trust our "past" and thought we will be best friends forever in our lives and can go through tough times together forever? I should be happy that I'm awake! For I found out I have a false best friend for way too long.

We Never were best friends, and probably never will be.

Good to know!

Who's my real best friends? God! and a few of my friends that I overlooked before, they are here for me, not only happy times!

頭痛和心痛一樣痛苦

頭痛, 我並不是在說我對任何事情迷惑
我在說真正的頭痛.

不好受.

我通常不會頭痛.

昨天是高興的一天，我什至在晚上做運動試圖擺脫頭痛. 但到今天我仍然頭痛.

我是否生病了？

我認為這些天我已經盡力保持自己在良好的狀態! 當我的心終於感覺有一點好了，為什麼我有這個?

突然意識到，沒有什麼比身和心也一起不暢快更糟糕的了.
我必須感謝我日常有的一切, 我學到, 一切從來不是理所當然的.

祝願大家有健康的靈魂，思想和身體!

Reflection Part 4 只要心常開

如何畫下"人"的定義?

對我來說做人的意義是"快樂"

以前，當我年輕時, "快樂"是玩耍, 談笑話
年齡稍大了少許, "快樂"是買東西, 吃東西, 出街, 不回家, 做盡一切瘋狂的事情
年歲更大少許, "快樂"是與喜歡的人經常在一起, 做彼此喜歡的事情
人更大了, "快樂"是什麼?

每隔一會兒我便有這種感覺, "快樂"是什麼? 我覺得自己已經做盡了一切我喜歡的事情了?!
不再買東西, 不再經常出街, 不再到處吃東西, 不再經常談笑話, 不再做瘋狂的事
那麼"快樂"在我是什麼?
找不到答案, 我沮喪, 我不想做任何事情.
我不開心. 做任何事情變得不成功, 我落入這個不開心的陷阱

我可以在哪裡找到"人的意義"?

最近，在大量的閱讀和大量的祈禱
我發現，它實際上非常接近我, 環繞我周圍其實都是"意義".
"快樂"其實就是環繞我周圍的一切!

我忽視了許多東西，因為我總是往遠距離的看, 遠距離的找.
我上面說的一切也是快樂, 不過那些是比較輕而易舉的快樂. (低級low level的快樂..)
難找到的是內心深處的快樂 (高級high level的快樂), 我終於覺醒要在哪裡找了!

內心深處最終極最強烈永不褪色的快樂 ("高呢"的快樂! ^^)是要往心裡找!
只要我把"心打開", 心就會自然"開心"!
以前，我從來沒有打開我的心. 我總是在外面尋找它...
擁抱, 相信, 愛一切，我的心就會是快樂的真正泉源

而這個愛的泉源, 只有天主可以使它永流不息!
祂是一切萬物的泉源, 請給我力量, 我的天主! 請幫助我"升呢"! 哈哈哈!



"... be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind..." - Romans 12:2

Reflection Part 3 只要家仍在

我說: "即使是最親密的人, 我也隱藏迴避, 因為我的感覺情緒超越我的思想控制範圍, 我只知道用怨恨去分享, 用惱怒去帶出問題, 恨東西總不是我想要的, 恨我不知道如何分析, 解決."



我意識到，我從來沒有學會如何與任何人溝通,
因為我一生從來沒有與家人溝通過



"家人"對我來說，和我對"朋友"一樣, 只是一個名詞, 意思是這些人和我一起生活, 一起管理這個"家". "家" 是一個地方, 一起居住的地方. "家"對我來說, 感覺是一個永不改變的東西, "家人"是不改變的, 一生的. 父母和祖父母說的做的, 我從來不認為我可以改變. 年紀愈大我愈不喜歡這個家, 我開始恨因為我會永遠"困"在這家, 因為我不認同我家人的態度. 直到最近，我發現，我和我恨的家人都是一樣的, 他們一直塑造"我". 這個"我"其實從他們那裡繼承所有"我"不喜歡的東西. "我"總是一直將這些不喜歡的東西附帶到我身邊的人身上...




迴避,不說,不講,不理,不想,"隱藏"是我家的作風. 一切避免談是我家的習慣. 有什麼事便嚇唬, 用叫叱, 哭喊發洩出來, 互相控制. 直到一切又回到和平，就好像什麼都沒有發生，沒有人會談論這件事.



我家從不解決任何事, 只假裝什麼都沒有發生. 直到下一次同樣的事情再次發生，這一循環永遠不結束. 因此"我"恨這個家, 因為我會永遠"困"在這永遠不結束的惡姓循環. 現在想一想, 我其實也暗地裡恨"我自己", 因為我不知道該怎麼辦. 恨我的思想控制範圍控制不到這一切, 恨我沒有一個我想要的人生, "家"! 我什至用這種態度對待我的愛人, 恨我們的僵局, 恨我們不一起解決任何事, 但我從來不勇敢去說過我們的問題. 因為我對待他就像我對待家人一樣, 我用從我在家所知道的最好的方法... "隱藏" "免談問題". 我不快樂.


不快樂的事情永無止境發生, 結束這一循環是明智之舉..
當我終於改變我看事情的態度, 現在我學習了行到路的另一邊, 用積極的態度對待每一個人, 我不能繼續和他們走在負面的路上, 做一樣負面的事情, 因為這樣，我只會和他們一樣使用負面的態度來對待一切. 我不希望再是這樣. 我不希望再陷入無休止的循環.



我發現，用了善意的態度後，我們的關係都感覺更好。我終於與我的媽媽談話, 並告訴她我對她的關心. 即使是每一天簡單的問候, 我祖父母的心情也變得好了, 我也勇敢地提醒他們有時候談話時，太過於憤怒。




只要一天大家仍然在這個家, 只要永不放棄大家, 只要我繼續用積極的態度去戰勝其消極的習慣. 我相信，家庭關係只會更好. 只要永不放棄... 對不對, 天主?

Reflection Part 2 只友情永在

"好朋友", 原來他們已一直在我身邊
想法接近我的，想法不太接近我的，不要緊
我學會接受一個事實 - 每個人是不同的，經驗不同，想法不同
但是我們相同的是都希望和人在一起, 分享感情, 分享想法, 相互支持, 沒有人希望孤獨的
這些好朋友讓我不孤獨, 他們真誠地支持我.

"最好的朋友", 原來他們也是一直在我身邊
只是我們從不談論自己，認識對方數餘年, 十餘年, 我們從來沒有分享我們的感受，因為我們彼此沒有作出主動! 許多年來我從來不跟任何人有太密切的關係. 跟我風花說月的人好多, 因我是貪玩的, 他們令我忘記我的憂慮, 從前我喜歡這些類型的"朋友", 因為我怕太接近任何人. "最好的朋友" 對我來說，是一個名詞, 意思是這個朋友和我有同樣的愛好, 做事習慣和價值觀. "最好的朋友", 對我來說，只意味著與他/她一起我有更多的樂趣.

直到最近因為我很傷心，心血來潮地跟我這從來沒有講心事的老朋友講心裡話, 說著說著, 越說越感覺原來錯過了這麼多年, 我最好的朋友竟然近在咫尺, 這老朋友和我有幾乎相同一樣的情況，和我幾乎相同的感受, 對生命我們也正在盡力搜尋自己方向?! 原來"最好的朋友"不僅一起做愉快的事情，還包括其他所有的東西，無論高興或不高興, 最重要的是誠實地分享。 分享心事後，相互支持，如果情況允許,提出意見或分析，但大多數在分享後，你其實已經大約知道你想做的事了

我幾乎可以肯定，我一生從來沒有這樣做，即使是最親密的人, 我也隱藏迴避, 因為我的感覺情緒超越我的思想控制範圍, 我只知道用怨恨去分享, 用惱怒去帶出問題, 恨東西總不是我想要的, 恨我不知道如何分析, 解決. 坐下真正誠實的分享,用心的分析對我來說是新的經驗. 以往, 我一直躲在我生氣的面具後. 我錯了. 我什至不知道何為真正的朋友!!


當這些天我打開我的心, 和每一個人用心交談, 發現真正的朋友已一直在我周圍, 感覺是驚喜，喜悅. 像在漆黑的房間裡，燈突然地亮開，其實所有人也在這一個房間裡。其實我從來不是一個人!




問自己: "我這些年來怎麼沒發現?" 情很奇怪，永遠不知道它在哪裡。
但我意識到，友情，原來已經在這裡很久, 一直等著我!
感謝天主的計劃使我們接近, 使我發現到這情!
天主的計劃真是美麗!

Reflection Part 1b 只有神永在

回到天主, 重新聯絡, 再次祈禱, 感覺不是害怕. 還有一種放鬆感. 因為我這一次終於面對我的屈結, 出生在一個天主教家庭, 我意識到我從來就不是一個真正的天主教徒. 好東西感謝，壞東西麻怨, 我所有事沒有信心 - 包括天主


現在，當我覺得我什麼也沒有. 回到天主身邊, 是一個覺悟?



我問: "這一次的變化是在天主的計劃之內麼？"
"是的!" 我的心告訴我.

我決定把我現有緊餘的希望和愛給予天主, 把我所有的怨恨也統統交給祂
祈禱, 祈禱, 再祈禱
閱讀, 閱讀, 再閱讀
我的心放開了, 統統把一切好和壞交給天主
祂立即提供了更多更多的一切!

我突然覺得和朋友, 家人沒有以前那種距離感
發現其實如果我保持一種良好的態度, 所有人是善良和喜歡被重視的
我從來知道自己善良和有善, 但我一直離遠每個人, 我一直躲在我的面具後. 放下偽裝, 勇敢地告訴我的朋友我的弱點, 感覺真好!


這些天是我有生之年和任何人最為接近的日子...
當然這都是因為這些天也是我有生之年和神最為接近的日子



"天主, 您一直等著我嗎?"
"是的!" 我的心告訴我.
"我現在知道愛, 知道天主的愛, 永遠是最好的."
"天主的計劃永遠是最好的" 我的心告訴我.

Reflection Part 1 只有神永在

人就是這麼怪, 當你把心思放在一件事上, 你會忽略另一件事一心二用, 三用, 四用...非常困難. 至少我不擅長... 覺悟到這些年來,我對愛情, 友情, 親情, 天主通通忽略! 因為我的一個心, 根本從來沒有打開過. 我的心許多年也在怨, 恨, 悲, 忿, 怒, 哀, 對萬事沒有信心, 因為我覺得世界欠我許多其他人有，但我沒有的東西! 多年來我一心去恨, 不能把任何東西放進心. 這些情緒蒙蔽我的眼睛. 使我看不到任何我實際上有的好東西. 一直怕談, 怕任何人問我, 怕任何人談論我. 怕改變自己因為我不想失去我有限, 認知的東西.

直到在這新的一年, 沒有預先認知的人生變化讓我昔日自我建立的偽裝全然粉碎...! 心感覺空蕩蕩的像有一大片被切割了下來, 身體好像被雷電擊中不能移動, 思想被打漂到一個離遠的距離，我可以看到自己...看上去多可悲!! "這一次我真的搞砸了一切!"


突然, 我發現我現在什麼也沒有了...



重複問自己: "我在做什麼？這是我想要的麼？我為什麼這麼多年要這樣做？" "不, 不, 我多年來一直希望有更多的好東西!!!"
但我統統一手把這是我其實有的好東西一一推開, 打碎!!
哭乾, 疲倦, 突然地想起...


天主 ... 一個我背叛了多年的天主... 也許是我唯一有的了.



我決定放下一切, 回到祂! 即使我感到害怕... 即使我害怕改變!

(To be Continue)

預備快樂

今天心又放寬了許多

戶外天氣非常寒冷.
預早準備特多的禦寒衣物,讓我的身溫暖 ^^
大家預早準備超級美味的午餐,讓我的胃溫飽
預早約定許多親密或新朋友, 他們的笑聲笑臉笑語,讓我心頭溫暖 ^-^
和朋友們手拉手的自上而下衝下,經歷驚險的感覺令我這些天的孤單感隨風和雪飛散 ^_^ 也使我記得友情是世界上非常寶貴的東西. 掉了在滑雪梯的帽子,本來我擔心撿不回來.放寬心後, 過了片刻帽子就由職員撿回來了! 我驚喜地發現高興就是這麼簡單. 在回家的路上, 一車五人, 聽著有一句沒一句的交談, 讓我感覺安全亦放鬆的睡了一覺. 久久沒有睡這麼甜了.


今天我學會了...光明和快樂不是從天空掉下來



祇要每一天每一刻也放寬心
擔心的少想,隨遇而安
預備自己,預備任何可以讓自己心情好的東西
快樂也是可以預備的.

祇要經常提醒自己去預備更多更多的快樂,我相信快樂將永遠伴隨我的! ^0^ Thanks for the great day, my friends (and God)!

To My Best Friends and Family.... and of course God!

It's a big Thank you for all! ^_^


Leona Lewis
Footprints In The Sand lyrics

Songwriters: Cowell, Simon; Kreuger, David Bengt; Magnusson, Per Olof; Page, Richard

You walked with me,
Footprints in the sand,
And helped me understand,
Where I'm going,

You walked with me,
When I was all alone,
With so much unknown,
Along the way,
Then I heard you say,

I promise you,
I'm always there,
When your heart is filled with sorrow,
And despair, I'll carry you
When you need a friend
You'll find my footprints in the sand.

I see my life flash across the sky,
So many times have I been so afraid.
And just when I, have thought I lost my way,
You gave me strength to carry on,
That's when I heard you say,

I promise you
I'm always there
When your heart is filled
With sorrow and despair
And, I'll carry you
When you need a friend
You'll find my footprints in the sand.

Trust.

I trust alot of people.

Does that mean I have to necessary do what they told me when everyone's telling me the similar thing?

I trust people, friends, family.

I may not necessary do things according to your sayings.
I also may take your words so seriously that I keep holding on to it.

Am I too self absorbed? Does that mean I don't care about any of you?