Caring

I still can't get over with how uncaring a guy can be.

Or is it because I'm not caring so they are not caring?

Do I have to be this caretaker/nurser/mother to "earn" their care?

What is wrong with me. What is wrong with "him".

When I'm happy, he doesn't care. When I'm totally hopeless, he doesn't care. When I'm sad, he doesn't care. When I'm mad, he doesn't care. When I'm this crappy despressee, he doesn't care.

When he trying to care, he actually doesn't care. When I actually care, he doesn't care. When I don't care, he STILL doesn't care EITHER.

So in the end, he never care. The only thing he cares is HIMSELF, FUN, SEX, CONVENIENCE, and BENEFITS - basically someone he can "own" to cheer him, to encourage him, to do things for him. If I'm not important enough for you to even cheer me when I'm mad or sad, think of me encourage me like how I would to you when I can or even just talk to me and keep showing me you care even when I said "I'm ok" which in most cases "I'm not ok". If I'm not important to just spend your precious time for you to think of me more than asking me "are you okay" -

Why should I care any bit of you.

Sorry guys, when you say I'm your friend/best friend, I really don't think you know what you say either, you are only saying you are your own best friend cos if I don't care about you, you don't care about me. If I don't find you, you don't find me. This is not real "friend", this is not "love". You only want me to feed your ego. You only want "somethings" in return when you show me your fake care.

I will only care about girls from now (I swear). They are my real best friends who at least I don't need to play this 24 hours cheerful doll that toy by you, at least I can freely get pissed without you covering your ears, rolling your eyes and running away. I'm not a possession, I'm not a "happy machine" I might seem happy, but I'm not always. If you can't even accept or hold me when I'm in this state, you don't deserve my happy me. YOU totally deserve this crappy sad me then. GIRLS are more brave than guys in my understanding. At least they are brave to communicate and solve things together and show some care to each other.

Things don't just happen. Why do I have to be the only one who care? Why can't you make it happen then? Or at least make this happen TOGETHER with me! You JUST don't care. You just never care to be together.

Hahahahaha. This IS my conclusion. How funny I would ever believe there's this someone I can show my evil self.... I must have show too much. darn! ^^ Someone please kill my ego NOW. I feel sick of this bitterness, I feel sick of this resentment.

My head feels dizzy and I'm sick today. Thanks for letting me be, at least let me vend this out on you tonight, my imaginary friend.