Saturday, January 23, 2010

Fight.

"Whenever you talked to him. You always sound like asking for a fight."

I did. I demanded. I frustrated.

About what?

you? family? life?

Maybe all.

But probably I was frustrated about everything AND myself the most

"Why didn't I deserve more gentleness, more love, more success, more everything?" I asked myself.. since a long time ago.

I was greedy, I was mad, I want more. Cos I think I don't have much.

I put all my energy into me and you. All energy, good or bad.

God wasn't with me, my friends weren't with me, my family weren't with me

I thought I had you, you had me. I put all into you, all of my naked self, good or bad.


Sorry. I hurt everyone.




Afterall, I only have myself with me who can tolerate me. What did I expect?
I called God too late, a punishment? a new beginning?

I'm weak, I don't want to fall into this hole again.

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