Disinfecting

The night before,
talking, reflecting, thinking, realizing...
many things.

Found my long lost true feelings and honesty
I wasn't happy
Because I was trapped
I thought I had what I wanted
I denied what I truly wanted
I was afraid to let go of what I had
frustrated, confused, sad, and then cried.. million times
I guess... in a way I did that out of conscious... to do us both a "favor"
By killing us.
Now my out of conscious "plan" worked...
Now that the wound looks terrible and it hurts.


I'm going to dive into it... "disinfect" and "treat" it... Sew back what we had before... way before... Whatever it takes, even if I might feel totally "nasty" and "gross".



"You can try, but it's gonna hurt." She said. ^_^
"Yes." I said. ^--^
I know what I want, for real. Just to think about it did make me excited and full of hope.

Only the "what if" doubts/thoughts will keep me from getting that now.
Nothing else can stop me.

It's hurting already just to think about it now...
"Will it be better?" I ask myself. "I believe so." I tell myself.

Of course it will hurt now...
But wait till I get rid all the dirty things that made me and us sad.


After this... Soon.. it will feel way better..



and one day
the scar will be gone...
I believe.