Attack.

It's only natural that animals attack when they feel threaten, fear, anxious.


Same idea... I attacked.
I feared about many many things that I was about to face.



Family, future, you... all the changes I was about to face... All the steps that you bombarded on me, told me, insisted me to do... I held back, I resisted because you bombarded me, you threatened me. Because... I was living in my little depression world that you don't live in and hated so much.

You did not show that you love me the way I am...
You did not show me you ever wanted to spend time with me when I see you finally in person during those very few times we spent.

I cannot feel it... it's too far away...
You are so far away, physically... and so far away from what I wanted you to treat me like a real girl... and so far away from show me your love to me... Maybe we did not even love...

All I wanted is someone to be gentle with me... I may appear care free in front of people... In fact I look at alot, I think alot... of every little things that I care... I cannot stand being stuck unhappy about us.


I feared... about everything, family, other people and mostly you and me.
I held back, I attacked.



I must have been putting too much thought about myself and us that I grew frustrated... I grew mad... I think we did not have enough between us, but I wanted to have more between us.

Maybe... you feel the same way... we were both stuck. don't know what to do.



My Frustration, madness, angry... I realized .. all came out of fear.




Fear of the unknown future.
I closed up my heart that was once opened, I felt threatened, I feared... I ran away from us. Thought we can talk later, we can solve it together later... Thought I can rely on you to take the initiation of us working together because that's what I wanted my man to do- to talk to me, to treat me like a real girl, to handle me gently. (which you did not do much of it these years anyway)

I should have remind myself you rarely take initiation.


We are too alike.



So obviously, none of my wishes happened.

No more fear now. and no more later... Because there's no more unknown future.

I should be happy about this.

The war is over. We shall both find peace in our two separate worlds now.